This month, I have asked my wife, Rite, to write on the topic of lament. During our Europe/Africa meetings, Jonny Clark spoke about lamenting and in our current global pandemic, it is an important subject.
During my Lent readings, I was meditating on John 11:33-35 from the passion translation: “When Jesus looked at Mary and saw her weeping at His feet, and all her friends who were grieving, He shuddered with emotion and was deeply moved with tenderness and compassion. He said to them, ‘Where did you bury Him?’ ‘Lord come with us and we’ll show you,’ they replied. Then tears streamed down Jesus face…then Jesus, with intense emotions, came to the tomb.”
This was surely one
of those events in life that was unfixable – the death of a loved one. Jesus
gives us permission to allow ourselves to lament when our soul is sad. We have
a need of doing something with the pain, grief, disappointment or loss, either
at a personal or global level. Some of us don’t find that easy but Jesus gives
us an appropriate model.
I remember reading an article talking about the enneagram and as I looked a
little closer at my own profile I realised that I resonated with the
description of often taking flight from pain and discomfort, both mine and
others. Type Seven on the Enneagram has ‘the need to avoid pain.’ They
typically avoid retreat because they prefer to be surrounded by fun and
laughter, pleasure and positive thinking.
Jesus shows us an example of connecting with his feelings as his heart was
being influenced by the suffering of his friends and joining in with the
lamenting of the mourners. As Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 3, ’There is a time
for everything, a time to weep and a time to laugh.’
While in lockdown here in Spain we decided to catch up on the Netflix series
The Crown. In this series we watched the historical Welsh tragic mining
disaster of Aberfan in 1966 with the loss of so many children as a school was
engulfed in mud. Queen Elizabeth was encouraged to visit, to give hope and
share the villagers’ pain.
Finally, when she did decide to make an appearance, she realised she could not
shed a tear despite walking by the graves, seeing all the families who were
missing loved ones and even having conversations about their losses. Keeping
your composure does not comfort the broken and suffering. Jesus did not show composure
as ‘the tears streamed down His face.’ Romans
12:15 encourages us to “Celebrate with those who celebrate, and weep with those
who grieve”. Like Jesus we have the privilege of identifying with the suffering
of humanity and we can lament with individuals and nations.
Stephe and I were leading a b2b course with a great team at the YWAM
base in Madrid for 10 days. We always consider it a privilege to work with
young leaders and these were an exceptional group. An Ignatian practice is
“finding God in all things”, so I was looking forward to watching what He would
do in our midst in this community of precious leaders.
Our times together were so encouraging and fruitful but as the week progressed
more of the students and staff were becoming ill. We continued and completed
the b2b though some were watching from another room with video. Of course, in
retrospect, we realised this was the start of the Coronavirus in the Madrid
area and two days after we returned to Malaga we were in lockdown. We just made
it home in time, because after 2 days we were both suffering from the virus as
well. We have never been sick for that length of time or with such intensity. We
were so grateful we didn’t have to be hospitalised.
This was an occasion for lamenting being sad for an unfixable situation. I had
to surrender and struggle through dark weeks holding on to my Lent promise from
Psalm 32:8 ”I will stay close to you..’ I rehearsed these following three truths and
lit three candles to remind myself throughout the day of:
- the promise of His presence, Jesus will never leave me or forsake me.
- the promise of His peace, Jesus will keep me in perfect peace as I fix my thoughts on him.
- the promise of His provision, Jesus will supply all my needs with His abundant grace for each day despite the challenging circumstances in health, pain, fear, finances, and absence of community.
Some of my lamenting
just flowed when I couldn’t see the finish of this never ending sickness. And
just when you thought you were turning a corner, a huge bus hit you with the
onslaught of some new symptoms! I couldn’t stop Stephe’s excruciating
headaches, mine were minor in comparison but continued to anoint his hands with
oil and pray for healing as James 5 encourages us to do. As the whole world was
reeling under the pressure of COVID19 so my tears flowed for every family
having to walk through losses— loved ones taken so quickly or suffering with
the virus for weeks as family stood by so helpless, financial uncertainty,
uncontrollable fears and anxiety about the future, loss of celebrations as
people had to cancel weddings, birthdays and graduations. Even funerals were delayed as we couldn’t
gather in groups to remember and honour our relatives and friends.
Tragedy has a cruel way of removing our masks of self-sufficiency and self-satisfaction.
It shouts on the ‘Camino of life’ that ‘No! Everything is not A-okay!’
It disrupts our airtight theologies about God having everything under control.
It invites us to become real and to grapple with the big questions of life. The
Camino de Santiago that Stephe and I had walked for ten days in the Autumn had
clear signposts to guide our every step. In our real life journeys, the
signposts are not always so obvious and we must adjust and accept that it takes
a lifetime of wisdom to even begin to fathom and discern His purposes.
One of the deeply comforting aspects of this time of sickness was the light
that embraced us, as family and friends from literally around the world
expressed their words, prayers and concerns through calls, texts and emails. We
may have felt alone in our struggle, but people empathised with us, just as Jesus
did at Lazarus’s funeral, and we felt a support even from a distance.
I asked the Lord for a couple of metaphors to help my soul express what I have experienced,
and two images came to mind:
1. The transitional tunnel is entered into with only light coming from behind. Then
as we reach the middle of the tunnel, suddenly there is nothing but total
blackness. It can be endless days, sometimes weeks in the darkness with this
virus before you finally stumble on a tiny ray of light to assure you there is
an end and an opening to lead you out.
2. The other metaphor is a labyrinth. Initially I was thinking of a maze with an
entry point and a different exit. The maze journey is long and twisting and
full of tangents and just when you think you have reached the exit it’s yet
another dead end! This is not the Jesus I know, as he does not purposely block
our way to bring confusion.
A Labyrinth on the other hand can be quite a long slow journey but you enter by
the same way you leave. The path is windy and moves in and out towards the
centre, the place of surrender. But as long as you walk faithfully and keep
moving you will reach that centre the place of communion and keep walking to
find your exit.
The labyrinth is a journey with Jesus, where you allow him to change you and shape you, as you respond to his invitations. It’s a place of confession, cleansing, forgiving yourself and others, redefining your assignments, allowing the pruning that is necessary, and perhaps lamenting for your losses and sorrows. You return back to the place you started from and with each step you take there is a growing confidence that you’ll be re-entering the world with this newfound source of strength. Praise and gratitude well up as you come out from the labyrinth and those attitudes need to be one of the characteristics you partner with during the lamenting process to help lighten the load.
As we lament in one breath, with the next we express our gratitude to Jesus for so many kindnesses shown us through family, friends and our community.
In an online retreat, Ruth Hayley Barton shares the following words from Tolkien’s ‘Fellowship of the Rings’ and it resonates with us all:
‘“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
So, let’s not be afraid to lament. Let’s allow our souls to cry out and mourn our personal and global losses. Then in the next breath may our gratitude well up knowing our Father God and His beloved son Jesus and the Divine comforter the Holy Spirit are our dearest companions, who travel with us in the darkest of times as well as the glorious times of illumination and light. May our triune God enable us to use even this time that has been given to us for His purposes and glory. Rite
Until next month
Stephe